It's been almost a year since I visited Reece's Rainbow at the start of our adoption journey. It wasn't the first time I'd been to the site, but it was the first time in quite a while, and this time was different. This time I was drawn in and couldn't stay away.
Growing up I'd always kind of thought I'd adopt in addition to having biological children, but it was never a conviction or anything, just an idle thought in the back of my mind. After Jacob and I were married he said he wasn't interested in adopting, and I just shrugged and thought, "Well, I guess I won't, then." And that's where it stayed for a long time.
But when I visited Reece's Rainbow again last year it was different. Even though I knew Jacob didn't want to adopt, I couldn't stop looking at all the faces. Even before I saw our daughter's picture, I came back most days and just looked through the pictures. Then one day, a couple of weeks into this, I noticed "Brigitte"'s picture for the first time. I think she'd been there all along, but this was the first day I'd taken particular notice of her as one particular little girl, rather than just one in a long line of pictures. And when I did notice her, I felt it.
It was the same thing I'd felt when I knew I was supposed to marry Jacob, the same thing I'd felt before I got pregnant with each of my boys. It was God very clearly telling me "This is your daughter". After that I was obsessed. I kept her picture up on my computer constantly, and looked at it throughout the day. I read, researched, and talked to people, figuring out what would have to happen for us to bring her home. And more than anything else, I prayed, because I knew unless Jacob decided adopting was a good idea, she would never be mine, no matter what I felt.
That was about 10 months ago, so there's a lot more to the story before we get to where we are now, but that's about all I've got time for tonight. More soon...
She totally looks like you! Can't wait to hear the rest of the story. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's funny you should say that -- one of the reasons she hadn't jumped out at me to begin with is there was another little girl who looked _so_ much like I did when I was little, and it wasn't until that girl had a committed family that I really noticed Brigitte. But I think you're right in that she looks quite a bit like me now. And I've thought for quite a while that she and my oldest son look a lot alike.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds a lot like our story, but we're still at the wife obsessing/ husband no so sure stage ;)
ReplyDeleteAmen, sister. My husband is a carpenter, he's fully capable of building another room on to our house. Yet, though I've shown him post after post, told him she's losing time, because she's already transferred, showed him the plight of transferred children and asked him to be open to what I feel God wants us to do, he refuses to budge. Only God can change his heart. I read on other blogs where people post her picture and say something about her momma coming to get her. Well, that's me, I know to my toes it is! I think God is teaching me patience, that this will all work out to his glory.
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