My Husband

I could pretty much say anything I want here, as I don't think he ever looks at the blog. Luckily for him, he's a pretty great guy, so there's only good things to say. :) Since I mentioned in my last post that we fought, I thought I'd take the opportunity to explain a little more, both about the fight, and about my awesome husband in general.



While Jacob and I have a lot of fundamental things in common (we're both white, middle-class, college-educated, Mormon, etc.) it turns out we're pretty different. As in, it's probably a good thing we didn't live near each other until just before we were married, or we probably would never have managed to get married kind of different. We agree on pretty much nothing. I suppose it shouldn't surprise me too much, since our first conversation ended in an hour long debate about whether the US should have dropped the atom bomb. So fighting for us is fairly common. Luckily we're both also willing to talk things out, work things out, fix the problems and move on. And we tend to balance each other pretty well. He stresses out and I'm able to keep calmer and more laid back. I tend toward laziness and his work ethic kicks me into gear and makes me get things done. He tends toward too much control over things, I tend toward too little, and we meet in the middle at a pretty happy medium for all involved.

One difference that's really come into play during the adoption process is the fact that I tend to start with decisions and then make the plan as to how to get to the desired outcome, whereas he tends to explore various plans and then make a decision based on which one he think will work. An example: how we chose our college majors. When my sister was a college freshman and home on break she talked about taking an anthropology class. I thought, "Hmm, anthropology, I think maybe I should major in that. I should probably figure out what exactly it is." So I did my research about what it was, what it would involve, which schools had good programs, what I could do with it after I graduated, etc. But I stuck with that initial, spur-of-the-moment, lightning-fast decision. Those are kind of my forte. On the other hand, Jacob considered what he wanted to do when he graduated from college (most important: be able to support a family), so he researched salaries of graduates of different programs, weighed their pros and cons, considered which he would be good at, etc, and decided to go into electrical engineering. So, me: decision, then research; Jacob: research, then decision.

I think my method is much easier when considering an international adoption. I decided nearly a year ago that it was something I wanted to do, and that I felt I should do, so since then I haven't ever questioned it. I've spent a lot of time researching what it will involve, possible pitfalls, the steps needed, etc, but only so I'll know what I need to do, not to try to decide whether or not I should do it. Jacob, on the other hand, researches the steps involved, the possible pitfalls, the unknowns, the constantly changing rules and processes, and says, "Do we really think we can do this?" Honestly, if you look at it empirically the answer is probably "No". There are so many problems, from how we can afford this to who will watch our children for the insane length of time we'll be gone, how he'll take that much time off work and not be so far behind he'll never catch up, how we're all going to adjust to the huge changes in our lives, how we'll have time to meet all of the special needs of all the kids, etc, etc. Logically, it makes no sense, and every time Jacob tries to figure out how it will really work he comes up against that fact.

Jacob is wonderful, awesome, and amazing for so many reasons, but lately the biggest one is his willingness to go forward in the face of all the reasons it won't work, all the reasons it shouldn't work, and all the extra work and stress it's going to add to his life. He's prayed often for revelation about what our path should be, but hasn't received any. In spite of that, he's willing to trust me, trust my certainty, and trust my revelation that this is the path we should be following. I'm not entirely certain I'd have that much faith in him, and today, that's the reason I love him the most.