I'm sorry I've been absent the last week, and just after telling you that I was going to keep posting, too. There is a reason, though, unfortunately, not a good one.
Just over a week ago we found out that Miss "Brigitte" was being transferred to another orphanage where she is not and will never be adoptable. There's nothing we can do, and this journey, at least, is over.
I couldn't bring myself to talk about it before now. Honestly, I'm still mostly not talking about it, but just trying not to think about it and go on with life. Most of the time that works, and our family life is mostly normal and fine. When I do think about it (actually, mostly when I try to talk about it), however, I end up in tears, often for hours. My heart is grieving for the daughter I love but will never be able to hold.
I don't know what this means for us, for our adoption journey, or for our plans moving forward. I still want to adopt; Jacob isn't sure. Of course, I have no idea who I want to adopt, or where from, or when. We're praying for clarity and direction, but so far there is none. That might be partly due to the grief, or maybe just because right now we're supposed to wait on the correct timing. I don't know.
My heart still breaks for the orphans, for my not-daughter and for all the little ones out there waiting for families. I will be continuing to blog, talking about them, talking about our family, and sharing with you as we hopefully get clarity and move forward. Hopefully in time I can come to learn whatever it is God wants to teach me through the grief.
I am so very sorry Katie. Praying for you all as your grieve this very real loss.
ReplyDelete~Amy(Heidi's Mama)
Dearest Katie,
ReplyDeleteOur hearts go out to you. Though I had some mixed feelings about this adoption thing, we never wanted things to end like this. I know that you were trying to do something good, and that you had really bonded with Brigitte. I am really proud of what you were trying to do. She seems like such a sweetheart, and it would have been such a blessing for her to be part of your and Jacob's family (our family too!). Life brings plenty of challenges I don't understand. Perhaps someday we will. Until then, I don't know what else to do except keep on trying to do our best. Know that we love you, that we are proud of you, and that our prayers are with you.
Love, Dad
Oh Katie, I am so sorry *hugs* I will be keeping you in my heart and my prayers! Please know that your RR family is always here for you and if you ever need anything please let me know!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you a hug. And give that sweet little girl a hug. :(
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I do hope that you decide to adopt another child. There are so many little ones with no families to love them. Good luck in your journey and please know that you are in our thoughts
ReplyDeleteKatie-I am so sorry. I cannot even imagine the feelings and emotions you are having right now. I hope that she will be happy and well taken care of wherever she is, and that you all can find some peace and understanding through all of this. Take care.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI'm so so sorry to hear this. We know first hand how you feel since we went through the same thing a week before Christmas. Praying for you and your family. I do promise that it will get easier after time. If you every want to talk let me know. God Bless you
I'm so sorry for you and I'll be praying for you, your family and Brigitte.
ReplyDeleteI really don't understand how this all works sometimes. Why they would transfer a girl that has a family coming for her to a place that she can't be adopted from.
It makes no sense at all.
I wish I could do more for you than pray. :(
I am so sorry to hear this news. Praying for your family and for Brigitte.
ReplyDeleteOh Katie!! I am so so sorry. It's okay to grieve, please give yourself that. We will be praying. This happened to us, though we were in the very beginning stages it still hurt so bad. I imagine you feel it even more. I know and trust God will guide you. Wait on Him, He WILL speak- He promises that.
ReplyDeleteI'm so extremely sad to read this today. :-( I'm so sad for you and for your family but also heartbroken that this is the end for Brigitte in finding a family of her own. My mind just keeps racing to the possibility that someone somewhere will change their mind and she will once again have a chance. I will keep praying for all of you!
ReplyDeleteCynthia
http://www.adreamadoption.blogspot.com
My heart is broken. For 'Brigitte' and for you. You know how much we love her, we spent three weeks getting to know her, holding her and laughing with her. To know she is where she is, never able to be adopted... I just can't process it yet. I pray the situation changes, that this mans heart will change and he will allow adoptions.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear your sweet girl has been transferred. I pray she will one day become available. heartbreaking.
ReplyDeleteKatie, I am so sorry to hear this. Your heart is so beautiful, and you have been such an encouragement to me, even though we're strangers to one another. Keep praying for direction. You will get it. God looks after all of his sparrows, and if your heart is willing to help, I cannot imagine that He won't use you to do so. If you are ever interested in learning more about the little ones we've met through our adoption, I'd love to give a window into what they are like. If you're not ready to think about another child at this time, you should definitely allow a time for grieving. You have experienced a sad loss. Take heart, you are following the right leader, and He won't let you down.
ReplyDeleteKatie,
ReplyDeleteI read your blog on and off and came her tonight by chance. I am so very sorry to read this update. I hope there is another little one in your future. There are so many who would blossom in a wonderful family like yours.
Sue H.