I'm sorry I've been absent the last week, and just after telling you that I was going to keep posting, too. There is a reason, though, unfortunately, not a good one.
Just over a week ago we found out that Miss "Brigitte" was being transferred to another orphanage where she is not and will never be adoptable. There's nothing we can do, and this journey, at least, is over.
I couldn't bring myself to talk about it before now. Honestly, I'm still mostly not talking about it, but just trying not to think about it and go on with life. Most of the time that works, and our family life is mostly normal and fine. When I do think about it (actually, mostly when I try to talk about it), however, I end up in tears, often for hours. My heart is grieving for the daughter I love but will never be able to hold.
I don't know what this means for us, for our adoption journey, or for our plans moving forward. I still want to adopt; Jacob isn't sure. Of course, I have no idea who I want to adopt, or where from, or when. We're praying for clarity and direction, but so far there is none. That might be partly due to the grief, or maybe just because right now we're supposed to wait on the correct timing. I don't know.
My heart still breaks for the orphans, for my not-daughter and for all the little ones out there waiting for families. I will be continuing to blog, talking about them, talking about our family, and sharing with you as we hopefully get clarity and move forward. Hopefully in time I can come to learn whatever it is God wants to teach me through the grief.