Standing Still

Thank you all for your visits and kind words over the last month or so. It has meant a lot to me to know others are thinking of us.

I'm sorry I've been so bad about blogging. It's been hard to talk about things when I can't talk about what I really want to, which is where we're going from here. But there have been others who've gone through this before, and I'm sure there will be more who will go through it, and maybe talking about it will help someone else. It will probably be good for me, so I'm going to try to do better.

The reality is that we are currently standing still. I hate it. I'm a planner, and I like to have direction. Since we lost Brigitte I have taken some time to mourn, but mostly I've spent so many hours trying to find new direction. I have talked to multiple agencies and looked into many countries. I've inquired about maybe 20 kids in at least 7 or 8 different countries. I've looked at hosting through 3 different programs, and I've looked into adopting from foster care or disruption. More than anything, I've spent countless hours praying for direction.

So far the direction just isn't there. I don't know if this is because none of the kids I've looked at are supposed to be ours, or if it's just not the right time yet, or what. I do know that I wish I had some direction, if only to save myself from the hours and hours vainly searching for one.

I'm trying to step back a little. I definitely want to keep praying (and I am, and I will), but I'm trying to check photolistings less often, and I'm trying to stop looking at the processes for different countries, and mostly I'm trying to not waste all my time researching 50 bazillion different things that may or may not be useful to me down the road. I want to spend more time being present for the kids I already have while waiting on the one (or more!) who the Lord has waiting for us. I'm not saying I'm succeeding in this endeavor, but I am trying.

I'm also trying to take Psalms 46:10 to heart: "Be still, and know that I am God". Stillness is not my forte, but I'm trying. I'm trying to take each day as it comes, to keep praying, and to wait for God to reveal His plans. If any of you would like to join me in those prayers, I would love and appreciate it.