Sam on MFFM! and Prayer Requests

I was so excited when I got on last night and saw Sam (the boy I was talking about last week) is now on the My Family Found Me page! Thank you everyone for praying for him. I am so excited to see who his family is! Another boy (Tyler) from the same orphanage is also on the MFFM page, and I wonder if they are going to be brothers. Either way, that is going to be one or two blessed families, and two blessed boys!

Now Duncan just needs a family.



He also turns 16 soon (in June), so he needs a family quickly. I know there's at least one family that's inquired about him, maybe more. Hopefully one of them can move through the process quickly enough to be able to adopt him. I would so appreciate if you would pray that he'll also get a family before he turns 16.

And one more prayer request. Some friends who are adopting from our daughter's country just got back to the US with their little one, who was immediately admitted to the hospital for renal failure, bowel obstruction, and dehydration. Please keep him and his family in your prayers. If you want to leave them some words of encouragement, their blog is here: http://carmichaeladoption.blogspot.com. Thank you all!

My Horrible Picture Taking Skills

If you look at the header on the top of the blog you'll see a stark difference. Our daughter? Super cute picture. And it's not even the best one I have of her. Our sons? Not so much.

It's not that my boys aren't super cute -- they really are. It's that I don't take very good pictures of them. There are a lot of factors that go into this.

1. My camera is not that good. I have dreams of getting a DSLR, but I know that wouldn't really fix the problem, since if the camera doesn't fit in my pocket or very tiny purse it wouldn't get taken with us, and I wouldn't get any pictures, good or otherwise. I asked some photographer friends their opinions on cameras, and one suggested this one:



I want it, but haven't felt like I could spend the money on it yet, since we're currently saving for an expensive adoption. But maybe someday.

2. My boys do not stay still at all. This means almost all my shots are candid shots. I occasionally get super cute candid shots, but those don't include close-ups of their faces, which is what I wanted for the blog header.







See, cute, right? Just no faces.

3. Apparently I don't try to get close-ups of their faces very often any more. I did when they were little, but now I spend more time trying to get pictures of all three of them together, or pictures with things in the background so we can remember places we went or things we did. While those are great pictures to have, it'd probably be good to get a few more so we can remember what they looked like.







You'd be surprised how many pictures I have of dinosaurs. Hundreds, literally. (Unless you know my boys, especially my oldest -- then you probably wouldn't be surprised at all.)

4. My oldest's current "smile for the camera" face looks like a grimace. Seriously, the kid has the greatest smile, but his pictures look like this:





And he thinks he's smiling. Sigh.

5. Also, apparently my kids just suck at looking at the camera and smiling. Not only do I have more pictures of my daughter doing this than any of my sons (which might be due to the people taking her picture having much better picture taking skills), I also have a lot more pictures of my nephew doing this than any of my sons. Just in the pictures I've taken of my nephew, which are a lot fewer than the pictures I've taken of my boys.



See the one in the middle looking straight at the camera and smiling hugely? Yeah, not one of mine.

I have a new strategy to remedy this problem, though. As a Christmas present to myself, I bought a session with a real photographer. While she won't be able to overcome all the problems, I'm hoping with a better camera and an hour dedicated to trying to get a good picture of the boys and nothing else, maybe, just maybe, I can get some cute close-ups of them again. In the meantime, I'll have to settle for some old favorites.

What We Have Left

I didn't write a post before I went to bed last night, and I'm feeling very uninspired today (and am quickly running out of time before I have to go get the older 2 from school), so I thought I'd give you a quick summary of what we have left as far as paperchasing for our adoption goes. We're currently working on compiling a dossier, which we will send to our daughter's country for the Department of Adoptions to look at (to allow us to get an appointment to see files of potential children), and then the judge will look at (to help determine if we can adopt our daughter). We've gotten most of the paperwork together, but there are a few things left.

1. Medical forms and a doctor's license for both of us. We need to go to the county health department and get a couple of blood tests, then go to the doctor (hopefully they'll let us come for a regular office visit) and get her to fill out the forms for us. We needed a physical in Sept for our insurance, so they won't pay for another one now. We also got the bloodwork done while we were at it, since we knew we would need it, but since it'll be more than 6 months old when we submit our dossier we need to do it again. Hopefully by going to the health dept for the bloodwork we'll be able to get the doctor to fill out our forms while we're there for the office visit (rather than waiting on blood test results) and we can make sure they're done immediately and right the first time. A lot of people have problems with this form, but our doctor has a notary on staff and is familiar with international adoptions (though not necessarily from our daughter's country), so hopefully it will be easy for us.

2. State police clearances for both of us. We have to go get our fingerprints taken and fill out a form so they can do a background check on us. Since we're in the state capital we should be able to walk in and do it all in one place and drive back to that place a few days or a week later for the forms, rather than waiting a few weeks turn-around mailing it all in. At least I hope.

3. Jacob's employment letter. This one I'm a little worried about. There's a way to get one, but it's through a process, not a person, and I have a feeling it's not going to be notarized when it comes, which won't work. In that case we'll have to ask his boss to fill one out for us, which Jacob doesn't want to do. We'll see. Hopefully the letter we get will be good enough, because if it isn't we'll have to submit our taxes as well, and I have no idea when they're going to be done. Ugh.

4. Letters of obligation. These are forms saying we'll comply with our daughter's birth country's post-adoption requirements, like filing reports and telling them if we move. We actually already filled these out once, but the notary date was wrong on one, so we need to re-do it.

5. Permission to let our daughter's country put our data on computer. This is also a pretty simple form, but it's new so I forgot it when we went and signed the huge stack of papers at the notary.

6. Jacob's name declaration page. This is a form stating that all versions of his name that might be on other forms (with or without his middle name, etc) are him. I'm pretty sure he did this one once, but I couldn't find it in the huge stack of papers later, so he needs to do it again.

7. Our I171-H. This is approval from the US government to adopt a foreign orphan. We sent the paperwork off for this, now we just need to get our fingerprints done (this is a separate set of fingerprints from the ones for state police clearances) and wait for them to send us the form.

Then we have to get these papers plus two more (that I forgot the first time) apostilled, which is just a fancy way of saying the secretary of state attaches a paper saying the person who notarized the form is, in fact, a valid notary.

After that we're pretty much done with our part of the process. We ship it all off to our daughter's country and wait. They'll (hopefully) accept it, and issue us a travel date to come and accept our daughter's file and then meet her! Hopefully that will happen in about 3 months. Some days it seems so far away, and other days it feels so close (just 3 months and I can finally give her a hug!). I can't wait!

Mothering

Anyone who knows me know that I'm a pretty honest person, and I don't sugarcoat things. Especially when it comes to my kids and mothering. In fact, this blog is probably about the least honest I've been, and even here I don't feel like I've been at all dishonest, I just don't have nearly enough whiny posts up for you to realize how whiny I can be in real life. That's probably okay. A little less whining is good for me, and you probably appreciate not hearing so much of it. I know it grates on my nerves when my kids do it, so I really ought to be setting a better example.

But that's not really why I've avoided my tendencies toward whininess here. (What do they mean, whininess isn't a word? It totally is.) I've avoided it here because for the first time in a very long time people are judging me and I care what they think. I mostly got over worrying about other peoples' opinions in high school. I'm far from perfect, but I'm fairly happy with who I am, and I'm not going to change based on what other people think I should be. My real friends take me as I am, warts and all (and I love them for it!). But now...

Well, first I had to pass a home study. I had to invite someone into my home and convince them I was a good enough parent that they would recommend that someone trust me with more children. Luckily, our SW was very nice, and she did in fact recommend that we be approved to adopt, in spite of my fears that she'd look at me, my house and my kids and say, "Really, lady? You think I'm going to approve you for more?" So that's one fear down. But I still have a ways to go. You see, in a few months I have to stand before a judge in my daughter's country and convince him (or her) that they should trust me with this little girl. That in spite of all my shortcomings and failures, they should let me take their precious little one home with me. And I'm petrified that they're also going to look at me incredulously and laugh in my face.

For the first time it really matters what other people think. If they don't think I'm good enough I won't get to take my daughter home. I can't bear the thought. So I'm sometimes inclined to hide the bad. To not whine or complain, and to pretend I think this motherhood thing is absolutely the coolest thing in the world.

And in some ways, I do. I adore my kids. They're smart and fun and hilarious and I can't express how much I love them. I can't imagine my life without them. (Okay, I kind of can, and occasionally (on bad days) it seems like it'd be really nice. But in reality if my kids were gone I don't know how I'd function with the gaping hole that would replace the very center of my being.) I'm completely blessed to be able to be their mom.

But the reality is that I'm not really very good at this whole mothering thing, and I don't really like most parts of it. (Yes, I'm freaking out a little bit at writing that on my blog right now. I'm hoping and praying that if an EE judge reads this they're also a parent and understand that it's a hard and sometimes thankless job, and they won't judge me too harshly. Either that or they won't understand English very well and will stop reading this post before they get to this part.)

I love my kids, but unlike most people (it seems) who write mommy blogs, or even adoption blogs, I'm not really a great mom. I pretty much never do crafts with my kids. They're pretty smart, and know a lot, but almost all of it has been learned from TV shows and video/computer games. I don't like playing games with them, and I absolutely hate having to get food for them three (or more) times a day. While I've chosen to be a SAHM, and I feel like it's the right choice for our family (at least right now), I often wish it wasn't. I often wish I had a viable career, and could pay someone else to do all the things with my children that would enrich them but that I don't want to do. I think it might be better for them and for me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not a horrible mother. I might yell a little too much and get short with my kids, but I do apologize for it. I might not do any crafts with them, but I do regularly take them on trips to museums, zoos, and national parks. I might let them learn their numbers from TV shows, but I spend a lot of time researching and becoming an expert on their host of medical issues. Overall it balances out all right. At least I think it does.

But I'm unlike some adoptive moms (or bio moms) I know, who keep adding to their family because they love kids and love being a mother. I have enormous respect for those women, but I'm not one and will never be one. In fact, while I wasn't sure we were done after 3 kids, I wasn't sure we weren't, and I kind of liked the idea. Three was enough, and I could have been quite happy to stop. At least, until I saw my daughter's face, and knew she was supposed to be mine. I'm adopting not because I love mothering, but because I love my daughter. Just like I mother my sons not because I love mothering, but because I love them. The work itself is hard and often thankless, and it's not something I enjoy.

And some days, on hard days, I look at myself like I expected the social worker to, and think, "Are you kidding me, lady? You're adding another one? You can't handle the ones you've already got." And I seriously question why I think I should add one more when I'm often not that great with the ones already here. But then I picture my daughter's face, and remember the feeling I got when I saw it -- "She's yours." And I think of the saying, "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." And I have to trust that if He wants me to do this He'll make me capable of it. Not perfect by any stretch, but good enough.

Good enough to apologize when I hurt my kids' feelings. Good enough to always stop what I'm doing to kiss their boo-boos. Good enough to give enormous hugs and cuddle them whenever possible. Good enough that they always know that whatever my faults, I love them more than anything. Hopefully that will not only be good enough for God, but for my kids, who are, after all, the ones who have to live with the consequences of having a seriously imperfect mother.

Sick Again

Only this time it's me. I woke up at 4:30 yesterday morning with some of what I'm sure is the same thing the boys had on Saturday. Ugh. I did manage to get the older two up and off to school (on time, even), and I picked them up, too. That's about all I managed all day, though. Nathaniel spent the day watching TV, and I'm not sure what all the boys did after school, but there wasn't too much mayhem, so that was pretty awesome. And Jacob came home early enough to take Spencer to his ST so I didn't have to, which was wonderful. I'm feeling a little better tonight, so hopefully I'll actually be good for something again tomorrow. We still have a few more papers to finish for our dossier, but with the crazy schedules and the sickness Jacob and I haven't even managed 5 minutes to sit down and talk about when we can get the rest of our stuff done. I'm putting it on the schedule for tomorrow (okay, today when you're reading this), so hopefully we can knock out the rest of it soon and be ready to go!

Our Adoption Story Part 2: Obstacles

This is a continuation from here.

When we left off, I had found Miss Brigitte on Reece's Rainbow and was sure she was supposed to be our daughter. However, there were a lot of things standing in our way.

Jacob was miserable in his job and had been looking for a new one. I was willing to stay where we were long enough to adopt, even though I didn't particularly like it there, but I knew that wasn't a good option for our family. Jacob couldn't handle any more strain than he already had, and adoption is not an easy process. So for us to adopt he had to find a new job.

Along with a new job came a host of other obstacles: moving to whereever the new job was, selling our old house, buying a new house, managing to not completely wipe out our savings in the process, getting a new house set up, figuring out school, doctors, etc for the kids, and on and on.

It seemed fairly insurmountable, at least in the foreseeable future for us to be able to adopt, but I still felt strongly that it was what we were supposed to do. So I prayed, a lot, about all the obstacles before us. I had many conversations with God, and I told Him that I was more than willing to adopt, but if it was what he wanted us to do there were a lot of things that He was going to need to take care of for us to be able to do it.

And do you know what? He took care of them, one by one, and in not that long. Jacob was offered a new job that he was excited about. We went on a house-hunting trip for a single day, and were able to find a house that was big enough that we'd have room for additional children but was well within our price range. Even though the market was horrible we managed to sell our house (close on the sale) less than 3 months after we listed it, and we sold it for enough that we were able to get out from under our loan and pay off what we needed to (though we did lose quite a bit on it). But even after losing money on the house and all the expenses associated with moving, we somehow managed to come out at the end of this months-long process with quite a bit in our savings account that we could use to put toward an adoption. It still doesn't completely make sense how it worked out like that, but it did.

In fact, in just a few months God had provided everything I'd told Him we needed -- all except for one thing. The most important thing I needed was for Jacob to also feel like we should be adopting, and that hadn't happened. It was hard not to despair, but I think that's the next part of the story...

Waiting

I talk (and think) a lot about how we are waiting. Waiting for our home study to be finished. Waiting for fingerprint appointments. Waiting for USCIS approval. Waiting for papers to be submitted to our daughter's country. Waiting for a dossier submission date. Waiting for a travel date. Waiting for our daughter's 5th birthday. The adoption process involves a lot of waiting.

But for me, the waiting, while frustrating, is still just a step. It's something that's necessary in order to bring our daughter home. I can see the bigger picture, I can see the end goal, and I know that waiting, while hard, will get me where I want to be.



The other side of the waiting coin is much worse. It is the children waiting for parents. If you look at adoption websites that's literally what they're called -- "waiting children". They're available for adoption, they want parents, they're simply waiting for someone to choose them. Waiting to be wanted, to be loved, to belong. Unlike me, they have no control over the situation. They can't complete paperwork to move things forward. They have the same end goal I do in this adoption process, but they have no idea if they're ever going to get there. They just have to sit, and wait, and hope. But hope is a scary thing, because what if no one picks them? What if they wait all that time and no one wants them? It's absolutely heartbreaking.






I think it's great to have biological children (as evidenced by the three I've already got, who are awesome!). I think infant adoption is wonderful, giving an important choice to someone who may find themselves unexpectedly pregnant. But I can't imagine much that is better than giving a family to a child who is just waiting and hoping for one. Please, if you've ever thought about it, there are so many children out there, waiting for a family to call their own. Those pictured in the post are all waiting children. There are many more. Here are just a few websites who list them:

http://reecesrainbow.org/
http://www.projecthopeful.org/
http://www.rainbowkids.com/
http://www.adoptuskids.org/

Think about the blessing you could be in their lives.




And yes, I know I missed posting yesterday. Oops. And then today's post is late. This is what happens when I don't write the post and schedule it before I go to bed the night before. But I promise a post tomorrow morning! I'm planning on writing the next part of our story, so be looking for that!